How Outcomes Feel Depends on Whether We Chose Them

Control matters — sometimes it’s best to have none

Photo by Einar Storsul on Unsplash

You just bought new glasses. You felt like treating yourself. It was time. You went to the store, found a pretty design, and you walked out of there feeling like a king.

One week later, your glasses break. You’re disappointed. You go back to the store, and, of course, they instantly replace them. You’re glad the problem is fixed, but you don’t feel the same. You don’t have that glow from the first time. The I’m-a-new-person feeling.

But they’re still new glasses. Shouldn’t you be excited? Why is this different?

This time, you didn’t choose to get glasses. Life made you, and it felt like a burden. It’s easy to understand why your emotions vary in these two situations, but, objectively, the outcome is the exact same.

The opportunity here is to adjust your emotions. Depending on how you contextualize said outcome, they too could be the same. You can taint the memory of your initial purchase by adding the bitter flavor of the second. Or you can elevate the replacement to another new-glasses experience.

When you dissect the outcome a bit more, many points speak for doing the latter. Having the time to buy new glasses is a privilege. So is having the…