Don’t Stop Living When No One’s Watching

A story about college, dumplings, and the wisdom of 90-somethings

Niklas Göke

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Photo by Some Tale on Unsplash

One cold December night, I was sitting alone in my apartment. It was too late to be productive, too early to sleep, and I was too hungry to do either. The solution? Dumplings. Oh, how I longed for some delicious dough bags.

I messaged a few friends to see if anyone wanted to go. “I’m not in town.” “I have a date.” “Sorry, I already ate.” Quickly, discouragement set in. “Maybe, I should just stay in,” I thought. “I still have food at home. It’s cold anyway.”

I shook it off. I got dressed, walked to the restaurant, sat down, ordered, and within a few minutes, I was munching on a dozen Asian delicacies. I even got a free mango pudding for dessert. Score!

This may seem like an innocuous everyday occurrence, a non-event, really, but in hindsight, I realized: This was one of the many encounters we all have with a dire, devastating force called “potential regret.” I had won this round but made a shocking discovery:

Sometimes, I’m afraid of doing what I want because I am alone.

The Story That Never Stops

If you sit with emptiness for a while, you’ll notice that, at first, your mind continues to tell the story it always tells. It could be the one about work or the one about a friend or the one about what you should eat. You might even flick through all of them and then some.

Eventually, however, you’ll realize that you are telling yourself a story. Most of your time is spent fighting your inner silence.

We’re discussing whether technology fosters a culture of escapism, but if we’re honest, that’s not something we needed devices for. A desire to escape our psyche is built into the human experience. It’s a feature we can’t turn off.

We like to say we “think,” but, mostly, we’re just letting whatever thoughts happen to appear wash over us. To some extent, this too is human. You can’t constantly squeeze your gray matter with existential questions. “Who am I? Why am I? What is the meaning of life?” Too many rounds on the Ferris wheel of purpose will drive you insane. At the same time, if we immediately shut these…

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Niklas Göke

I write for dreamers, doers, and unbroken optimists. Read my daily blog here: https://nik.art/